i barfeds in our rink
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
