I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
