He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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