Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
