I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
