no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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