Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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