yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
