I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
