oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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