She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i think im in europe. pls send help
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
