he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
