I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
