How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
