I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
