She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
