so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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