So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
