if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
