a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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