i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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