He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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