the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
