dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
