john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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