Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
