My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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