That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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