I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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