Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
