Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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