what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
