Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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