is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
