I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
