the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
