Your tits are I can't wait for
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
