Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
