I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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