so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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