i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
