Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
