just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
