Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
