Only a mothe r could love this liver
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
