Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
