sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
