My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
