I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
