But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
