some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
