He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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