She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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