I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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