went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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