Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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