Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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