You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling