She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.