the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need a hoe opinion