she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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