his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off