Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

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  (617): My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned? http://tfl.nu/bm6r
  Replies (125) Good night (7859) Bad night (2610)
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  (381): View more from

  I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.

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  (381): I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore. http://tfl.nu/l0iw
  Replies (15) Good night (1500) Bad night (3351)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.

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  (816): I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ. http://tfl.nu/y7u3
  Replies (16) Good night (4259) Bad night (832)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses

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  (704): Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses http://tfl.nu/b9lj
  Replies (1) Good night (1555) Bad night (1280)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

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  (517): I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/qnhv
  Replies (20) Good night (2842) Bad night (722)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.

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  (940): Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things. http://tfl.nu/0rsv
  Replies (10) Good night (2029) Bad night (630)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture

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  (412): I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture http://tfl.nu/mhk1
  Replies (13) Good night (1614) Bad night (526)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods

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  (419): Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods http://tfl.nu/bin2
  Replies (4) Good night (1113) Bad night (498)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT

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  (618): Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT http://tfl.nu/hvg7
  Replies (6) Good night (1570) Bad night (562)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.

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  (502): He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine. http://tfl.nu/krqd
  Replies (5) Good night (452) Bad night (1126)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  What should I say back?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Well, how do you want the conversation to go?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Straight into my pants.

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  (541): What should I say back? (1-541): Well, how do you want the conversation to go? (541): Straight into my pants. http://tfl.nu/5wls
  Replies (2) Good night (1736) Bad night (467)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.

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  (+44): What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful. http://tfl.nu/aeug
  Replies (3) Good night (619) Bad night (416)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Are you alive?

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I woke up under the pier.

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  (703): Are you alive? (1-703): I woke up under the pier. http://tfl.nu/dfp7
  Replies (4) Good night (982) Bad night (433)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.

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  (724): Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots. http://tfl.nu/ffvf
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (465)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.

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  (608): You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year. http://tfl.nu/ch42
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (254)

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