did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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