My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
