She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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