Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
