Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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