WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
