you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
