did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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