She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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