It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
