We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
