I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
