Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
